A big welcome back to me! My computer crashed shortly after my last post and I had to wait forever for a new one. I went to a different electronics store this time. The last place was just a joke.
So here I am, and hoping that I will be motivated to post more often. Though I can't think of anything to write at the moment I'm sure something will come to me soon. I'll have something to bitch about.
I'm about bitched out for now, what with having so many places to write my thoughts down let off some steam about what I'm peeved over.
For now the house is quiet. Kids settling down for bed, watching t.v. bathing, etc. It won't last long. Any moment now one of them will run in here yelling about something. Or the cat will decide to attack the back of my chair and maybe get my butt instead. Or the hubby will call yet again asking if I saw the pictures he sent, even tho I've told him several times today that I have to erase some of my messages before I can look at the new ones and just haven't had time. Because he keeps calling.
I should be writing. I just can't focus. Not enough quiet moments in the day. Perhaps I should get up earlier in the morning and try to write. I'm not a morning person. I don't mean writing for my blogs but working on the story I've been working on for years and years now. Someday I'll pretend to think it's good enough and decide to publish it. Maybe.

Dad's Cancer

I don't know what to think or how to feel. The relationship between my father and I has only ever been "o.k." never really good. Now he might need me, to help out when he gets too sick. My step-mom is working full time and trying to take care of him. He still works but can't manage as much as he used to, the chemo really does a number on him. He's tried to mend fences, he really has, but it's hard for me to just forget all the crap that happened in the past. It was difficult for me to see him when they came for a visit on their way to Yellowstone last week. He looks so different, his hair all fell out and came back a different color, he looks smaller and weaker.
No one wants to think about their parents dying, even if they have a bad relationship. Because then you have to face your own weakness, your own mortality.
I know he's dying. If the cancer doesn't take his life it will at least shorten it considerably despite the treatment he's had. How am I supposed to deal with it? I guess I've been ignoring what's going on. I don't want to go home and take care of him, I have my own children to take care of. But I can't just abandon him either. He needs me, needs my support. Needs to know that I forgive him and will be there for him when he needs me to come home.
I have time to start a life with my family here in Wyoming. There is no reason for me to stay in Texas permanently. I can still have a house and a life here but he may not have that much time left. My step-mom suggested we set up a day each month for a long call so that we can keep up with everything. So they can talk to the kids and get to know them more, so they can let us know how his treatments are going.
I suppose that'll work for now.